Chapter Three: These Days, Even Monkeys Can’t Afford to Get Hurt

For what felt like the time it takes to burn a stick of incense, the black fog kept drilling into the monkey’s body. Then, all at once, the cord of darkness woven from that fog snapped, as though severed by an unseen blade.

The towering presence hidden within the mist broke off its words in shock.

Because Zhou Yu had begun his usual exercises after waking, and with every movement the immense shape in the fog trembled violently, wracked with pain.

Night fell. Faint starlight spilled through the woods, and every black bamboo stem glimmered with a cold, ghostly sheen. The birds in the grove had long since gone to sleep, while a few nocturnal beasts crept outside, hunting with extreme caution.

Then, with a sharp crack, a sneeze rang out so clearly in the darkness that it sent the surrounding beasts scattering in terror.

With that sneeze, every wisp of black mist that had entered the monkey’s body was blown back out. He opened his eyes, his body shuddering faintly.

His pupils rolled a few times before he opened his mouth, revealing a mouthful of white, needlelike fangs. He bit down on the dirt at his feet and swallowed it all.

This strange monkey actually had a mouth full of jagged little teeth, the fangs turned outward. In just a moment he had gnawed away a large patch of earth before him, carving out a small hollow.

The monkey gave a satisfied belch, looking as though he found the taste of soil quite pleasing.

Under the moonlight, his body was undergoing a bizarre transformation. Bones that had already been shattered kept crackling and popping, then joined themselves back together.

The monkey clenched his teeth so hard the muscles in his jaw stood out, tears trembling in his bloodshot eyes.

At last, the cracking from his joints sounded like a string of firecrackers, and the noises along his spine came one after another without pause.

He could no longer bear the pain. With a strange cry, he made the grove at night seem even more sinister and frightening than before.

The cracking gradually faded. The monkey slowly regained his composure, his chest rising and falling violently. Then he suddenly spat out a mouthful of pitch-black blood.

By the moonlight, he staggered to his feet. His shadow was stretched long and thin across the ground. He bared his teeth at the black mist, seeming to vent his displeasure.

“You filthy monkey! Even reduced to this state, you still haven’t lost your wild nature!”

Two lanternlike points of red light suddenly appeared within the fog.

The monkey nearly jumped out of his skin. He sprang backward a full ten yards, baring his teeth warily at the mist and asking in a peculiar tone, “W-what are you?”

“What am I? I am the incomparably mighty Asura King!”

The black mist churned.

“Hahaha!” The monkey bent over with laughter.

“What are you laughing at?”

The monkey waved one hand and clutched his stomach with the other, laughing as he said, “I’m the incomparably mighty one here. And you dare say you’re strong in front of me? Isn’t that hilarious?”

“So you’re still this stupid! You dim-witted fool of a monkey! Even after that little bull demon beat you into this shape, you still have the nerve to be so confident?” The voice from the fog had already turned angry.

“That filthy old bull can’t kill me, and one day I’ll kill him. One day, I will!” the monkey said solemnly.

“Speaking of which, if not for him taking what was yours, you wouldn’t have fallen so far. In a month, come back for it. I’ll return it to you.”

The black mist slowly condensed and no longer roiled.

The monkey blinked for a long while, then said dumbly, “Him? You? What are you talking about? Did we know each other before? If he took my thing, why would you be the one to return it?”

But the black mist gave no answer.

The monkey scratched the back of his head, spat on the ground, then turned and ran toward the edge of the forest. In a few leaps he vanished into the night.

Three days later, at dawn, there came a burst of noise from outside the woods. Then a gray blur shot into the grove and stopped in the central area of the Black Bamboo Grove.

The monkey, covered head to toe in injuries, stood on one leg. The other had clearly been broken. Carefully, he sat down, then lay flat on his back, panting hard.

Outside the forest, the bull-man was brandishing a giant trident and roaring without pause, “You filthy monkey! Get the hell out here!”

“Damn monkey! If you’ve got the guts, don’t come back and bother me! Otherwise, I’ll beat you every time I see you!” the bull-man bellowed, swinging his trident and slamming it hard into the ground. Dirt flew everywhere, and he actually smashed out a circular pit ten yards across.

A day earlier, while the bull-man had been engaged in vigorous pleasure with a beautiful cow, he had suddenly discovered the monkey in his cave. The shock nearly ruined his future happiness forever. In a rage, he launched a pursuit. Though he had already injured the monkey badly, the creature still managed to slip into the Black Bamboo Grove, a place the bull-man did not dare enter. He could only rage outside.

“What kind of trouble did you cause this time?” a voice asked.

“Nothing much.”

“That little bull is about to go crazy. Don’t you know deranged creatures are the hardest to deal with?”

The monkey rolled his eyes, bared his teeth, and straightened his left leg with a crack. “Anyway, I can’t die. What’s there to be afraid of?”

“If you’re not afraid, then why did you run here?”

“That bull is in heat right now. If I hadn’t run in here, he might have forced himself on me. Tell me, should I have run or not?”

The black mist surged violently, then let out a furious howl. “Look at your own face before you say such nonsense! Forget a bull— even a pig wouldn’t have any interest in you!”

The monkey lay on his back, staring up at the blue sky and white clouds, and said softly, “I remember how my adoptive father once brought back a human woman. Tsk. Her skin was truly smooth…”

“You’ve turned into a lecherous monkey!” The black mist seemed greatly shocked. “At last, your taste has become normal.”

“Huh? How do you know my name is Lecherous Monkey?” The monkey lifted his head slightly and looked at the fog. “Who are you, really? You seem to know me very well, but I have no memory of you at all.”

“I said it already! I’m not some ordinary person! In order to strengthen his divine essence, that fellow sealed me inside this body. Hah! If he hadn’t sealed me away, maybe he wouldn’t have died either.”

The monkey rolled his eyes, plucked a black bamboo leaf, and stuffed it into his mouth to chew. “You still haven’t told me who you are.”

“Since you’re qualified to speak with me, I may as well tell you. I am the Asura King’s own malice. In order to further strengthen his divine essence, he sealed me away here and spouted a great deal of nonsense besides.”

“All these years, I’ve endured enough loneliness and solitude. The demon beasts that wandered in here, the skeletons you see now, every last one of them—I toyed with them until they died.”

The monkey, limbs sprawled, was already asleep, snoring softly.

The black mist stirred once, then settled. From within it came a distant sigh. “So he’s fallen asleep, then. I have endured the endless ages already, so there is no need to worry over the end. At last, it will be over. At last, I can be free.”

Early the next morning, the lecherous monkey once again departed in high spirits.

From some unknown day onward, white morning fog began to appear in the grove, and the black, uncanny mist slowly grew thinner and thinner.

A few days later, the lecherous monkey came scrambling back into the Black Bamboo Grove, once more covered in injuries.

“Hey! You whatever-you-are, I’m back to see you!” he shouted after collapsing onto the ground, gasping for breath. But the black mist gave no response at all.

The monkey lifted his neck and stared at the mist for a while, muttering to himself, “Could it be asleep?”

Over the next month, the lecherous monkey returned wounded three more times. Each time he greeted the black mist, but each time he received no answer.

“Could it be dead?” The monkey’s interest was piqued one day.

Under the moonlight, he sat on the ground chewing on black bamboo leaves and looked at the now extremely faint mist.

Within the fog, one could vaguely make out a gigantic crab, its entire body a deep red.

The lecherous monkey rose to his feet and carefully approached the huge red crab, saying, “No wonder you had to hide yourself in black fog. So you’re this ugly.”

As he drew near, the black mist, now so thin it was nearly gone, withdrew in all directions. The monkey reached out and touched the crab’s shell. It felt hard and cold. He knocked on it, and a booming thud answered him.

The monkey was horrified and leaped back a dozen paces, crying out, “So you really are dead! You’re nothing but an empty shell!”

“Who’s dead?” the red crab said.

The monkey nearly jumped out of his skin a second time. He leaped back another twelve feet and wiped the cold sweat from his brow. “You’re just an empty shell, and you can still talk? Strange. How strange.”

“What empty shell?” the red crab asked again.

The monkey pointed at it. “You, of course!”

In the darkness, Zhou Yu felt along his own body with both hands, frowning. Someone had just called out to him and startled him awake.

When he woke, he discovered that he was lying on cold, hard ground. Everything around him was dark. Beneath him was something damp, as though some delicious liquid had pooled there. After he sat up, he heard a series of booming thuds from ahead, like someone knocking on a door, and then he heard voices speaking.

Zhou Yu, having slept for a very long time, instinctively answered the voice. But he could not understand a single word the other side was saying.

So he tried to walk toward the sound. In the pitch-black darkness, he could not see his own hand in front of his face. Suddenly, he slammed into a cylindrical pillar and tumbled to the ground.

After the great red crab gave a muffled thump and swayed a few times, the monkey heard that it had just been speaking with him a moment ago. He let out a long breath, touched his chest with one hand, and said, “That scared me to death. I thought you’d come back from the grave.”

Then he stepped forward again and used his furry hand to knock on the red crab’s shell. “Why does your shell sound hollow when I knock on it?”

In the darkness, Zhou Yu clutched the aching spot on his head and cursed through gritted teeth, “That hurt like hell!”

The monkey was startled and hurriedly said, “Ah, sorry! Did I knock you too hard?”

Zhou Yu, unable to see anything in the dark, assumed he had merely bumped into a pillar and truly believed someone had accidentally struck him. He said, “It’s fine. Luckily, I was born extraordinary. I can take a beating.”

The monkey pressed his ear against the red crab’s mouth and muttered, “Why do I feel like you’re not speaking with your mouth? Why does your voice sound like it’s coming from your belly?”

Zhou Yu got back on his feet and followed the sound. “What are you talking about?”

The monkey’s expression changed. He took several steps back and pointed at the huge red crab, saying in surprise, “You really are talking with your stomach?”

By then, Zhou Yu had already crawled through the darkness to the crab’s mouth. Hearing the voice right outside and catching a sliver of light, he reached out and pried apart the two iron-gate-like plates.

With a crisp crack, the red crab’s mouth was forced open.

After being shut away in darkness for so long, Zhou Yu was suddenly greeted by light and found it difficult to adjust. The pale morning glow made him a little dizzy.

The monkey widened his eyes and stared as Zhou Yu suddenly crawled out from the red crab’s mouth. Then his jaw dropped, and he looked as though he had seen a ghost.