Chapter Twenty-Two: The Opening of "On the Suffering of Life"

Nianxue held a leather whip and circled the four, commanding, "Later, aside from water, you’re not allowed to bring anything."

Xiaobao asked curiously, "Nianxue, where are you taking us? Can you give us a hint?"

Nianxue blinked her large eyes at Xiaobao, paused for two seconds, then grinned mischievously, "No."

Xiaobao looked disappointed and complained, "Judging by the way you tortured us today, I doubt we'll make it back alive tonight."

Dachun nodded, speaking with hidden meaning, "I think tonight will be tough. Brothers, my will is under my pillow. Whoever makes it back, please help fulfill my last wishes."

Ye Dong asked, "What wishes?"

Dachun glared at him, "If I tell you, they wouldn’t be last wishes, would they?"

Liang Lingzhi chuckled, ran up to Dachun’s room and found the will. Opening it, he was infuriated.

It read: "Brothers, come down to keep me company, and make sure you bring Nianxue."

Nianxue was both amused and exasperated, cursing, "Well played, Dachun. Just wait till I get my hands on you."

Though unwilling, the group was herded onto the car by Nianxue, who drove herself this time. The car sped along, her destination clear—an old cemetery in the distant suburbs.

The four in the car had no idea, as the windows were thoroughly covered.

The road grew bumpier, and the crickets chirped louder. Xiaobao whispered, "Nianxue wouldn’t really drag us to a wild graveyard like in the movies, would she?"

Ye Dong shook his head comfortingly, "No way. There aren’t any old cemeteries left, only memorial parks now."

Dachun smiled slyly, "Our hellish days lately are all thanks to Nianxue, our dear senior. How about we prank her for once?"

Liang Lingzhi asked, "How? Her courage is bigger than all four of ours combined, and we’re no match for her if it comes to blows!"

Xiaobao snickered, "I know! Nianxue’s a Daoist, never afraid of ghosts, but she’s still a woman—she must be scared of bugs!"

Ye Dong recalled, his brow rising, "She once said she hates frogs, thinks their bumpy skin is disgusting. Why don’t we...?"

Liang Lingzhi hesitated, head down, "Should we really...?"

Xiaobao glared, "Come on, feeling sorry for her? Look at us, covered in whip marks—we’re practically zebras now."

Ye Dong saw Liang Lingzhi’s dilemma and smiled wryly, "Let’s forget it. She’s doing it for our own good, and if she tells the master, we’re done for."

Ye Dong winked at Liang Lingzhi, who finally relaxed.

Bang!

The car door flew open. "Get out, all of you."

A chilly mountain breeze swept through, making the four shiver. Ye Dong, startled, regretted, "Why did I just speak up for her?!"

"Moonlight, moonlight..."

Seeing them huddled together, Nianxue gleefully sang the theme song from 'The Taoist Vampire,' a tune that filled their childhoods with terror.

Listening to the 'ghost song,' the four involuntarily swallowed. Liang Lingzhi asked, "Nianxue, what’s the meaning of this? It’s cold here—why don’t we rest in the car? Catching a cold would be troublesome."

Nianxue laughed, "No resting! Didn’t our master say you need to toughen up? This is the place for it!"

Xiaobao pleaded, "Nianxue, are you really going to go this far? Look at this desolate place—there aren’t many handsome men in the world, and here you are ruining four of them. Aren’t you afraid of heaven’s retribution?"

Nianxue suppressed her delight, pretended not to hear, shook her head, and snapped her whip, barking orders, "Xiaobao, west. Ye Dong, east. Idiot, south. Dachun, north."

She turned, saw Dachun furtively hiding something in his pocket, and immediately scolded, "What are you hiding? Take it out!"

Dachun shook his head, backing away, "Nianxue, let me keep this!"

Nianxue quickly rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a silver cross.

She burst out laughing, "Dachun, are you stupid? This is the East; crosses don’t work here!"

Dachun moaned, "I wanted to bring a peach wood sword, but it’s too big to hide."

As Nianxue drove the four to their assigned positions, a scream echoed from the distant graves!

All five were startled and looked over!

A ragged figure came running out, shouting, "Ghost! There’s a ghost!"

Xiaobao’s nerves tightened, hiding behind Nianxue, "Senior Sister! That person says there’s a ghost!"

Nianxue elbowed him in the chest, scolding, "When nothing’s wrong, it’s Nianxue, but when there’s a ghost, it’s Senior Sister. When will you finally toughen up, learn some magic, and stop fearing wild spirits?"

Dachun hurried behind Nianxue, grinning nervously, "We haven’t toughened up yet—you need to protect us, Senior Sister!"

Ye Dong laughed, "I’m scared of ghosts too, but with Nianxue here, we shouldn’t panic, right, Senior Sister?"

Nianxue shook her head, "Take this chance—all four of you go see what happened."

Liang Lingzhi hesitated, "We’ve only been at this for a few days, and now we’re supposed to catch a ghost already?"

Nianxue scolded, "You’re disobeying orders!? If you don’t go, that person could be in danger! Here, take these talismans!"

Ye Dong gritted his teeth, shouted, "We four youngsters shouldn’t be afraid of one ghost! Let’s go!"

He took the talisman from Nianxue, rushing ahead. The other three, seeing Ye Dong’s courage, followed suit, shouting as they ran.

The person running from the ghost saw the four charging over and was even more frightened, screaming, "Oh my god, four ghosts!"

He ignored their calls and dove into the grass, clearly terrified.

Xiaobao, tall and strong, pulled him out. Dachun slapped him, "Hey! Snap out of it! We’re humans!"

After the slap, the man panicked even more, "Ghosts are hitting me! Ghosts are hitting me! Help, Third Master! I’ll never dare again!"

A chilling, sinister laugh echoed in the air, "It’s been so long since anyone came to keep me company. I’ve forgotten the taste of human flesh. Tonight, I’ll savor it well."

Ye Dong, startled, retreated several steps and, imitating Nianxue, shouted, "What evil spirit are you!?"

Liang Lingzhi squared up, "Stop your nonsense! If you dare, come out and challenge us!"

The voice snickered, "Little brats, when I was a ghost, you were still wearing split pants!"

Though Dachun was scared, seeing Ye Dong and Liang Lingzhi cursing emboldened him, so he retorted, "Grandfather? Hiding like a coward—you’re the real grandson!"

Xiaobao chimed in, "Yeah, just a cowardly ghost scaring those who haven’t seen the world."

The voice grew irritated, "Who are you calling grandson!?" It withdrew, revealing itself—a hunched old man, or rather, an old ghost.

Liang Lingzhi kept his hand on his pocket, ready to pull out the talisman. He asked, "What do you want?"

The old ghost grinned eerily, "What do I want? I want to eat you, of course!"

Ye Dong scoffed, "Eat? Go on, show us! You’re so scrawny, probably lost all your teeth."

The old ghost didn’t expect them to be unafraid and was frustrated, snapping back, "So what if I’m skinny? Mind your own business! You're too young to meddle!"

The ragged man slowly regained composure, watching the four argue with the ghost, bewildered. He asked, "What are you doing? Is arguing like this fun? And you, old man, you’re a ghost, I’m a human—why scare me?"

The ghost retorted, "What else should a ghost do but scare people?"

Dachun scolded, "Don’t you know scaring people in places like this can drive someone mad?"

The old ghost grew angrier, "Hey! I just scared him a little, what more do you want? If you keep insulting me, I’ll get angry! Ghosts have dignity too!"

As it turned out, this old ghost was a mischievous one.

Ye Dong scolded, "Doing wrong and not getting scolded? Why don’t you just ascend to heaven!"

The old ghost was stunned, then sat on the ground and wailed.

Everyone was perplexed. Liang Lingzhi said irritably, "Hey, old man! You don’t need to cry just because we scolded you!"

The old ghost wiped his tears, sobbing, "Do you think I want to stay in this dump? I’ve wanted to ascend for ages. There’s nothing good to eat or sleep, my house leaks, and I haven’t had anyone to talk to for a month. Occasionally someone passes by, I want them to burn me some money, but they’re all cowards, run away before they even see my shadow. Granted, I don’t have one."

The ragged man asked, "So you’re a poor ghost, but why did you scare me with that creepy laugh? Don’t you know it's terrifying?"

The ghost retorted, "You’re a coward too! One shout and your jaw dropped, your pants weren’t even fastened when you ran—such a wimp."

The man blushed, explaining, "I just finished peeing and forgot to fasten my pants!"

The old ghost grew angrier. "Damn you! You peed, fine, but why in my house? You know you soaked all my appliances?"

The man was speechless, "I was sent here as punishment, and got scared, so I had to pee. Besides, you don’t have a tombstone!"

Hearing this, the four finally understood the situation.

Ye Dong said, "You shouldn’t have peed in someone’s house." He turned to the ghost, "But you shouldn’t have scared him either."

The old ghost fumed, "I’m wrong? If another ghost’s house got flooded with pee, he’d break the guy’s teeth with a toothpick. If not, I’ll call you grandpa!"

The man, knowing he was at fault, stammered, "How about I burn you a big house, a few boxes of one-billion bills, throw in some wives and servants, fill your house with brand new appliances, a 60-inch TV, a massage chair, an air heater, and a marble tombstone. Let’s call it even, okay?"

The old ghost pondered, "That’ll do! You all be witnesses—if he doesn’t follow through, I’ll come after him!"

Clever Xiaobao pulled out a card and handed it to the man, "This is our senior sister’s paper shop—quality guaranteed. Spend two thousand, get a talisman drawn by our own hand to cure all ailments; spend three thousand, get a group photo of the four of us to ward off evil!"

The man took the card, puzzled, "No discounts?"

Dachun added, "Discounts! A thousand gets you two percent off, two thousand four percent, three thousand eight percent. The more you buy, the more you save!"

Ye Dong snickered inwardly, "The three-thousand discount is the same as the one-thousand discount—these two really have a knack for business."

The man counted on his fingers, grinning, "Your shop’s pretty good, offering so many discounts!"

Liang Lingzhi asked, "Hey, what’s your name? Why are you alone out here? And who’s the Third Master you were shouting for?"

The man answered, "Third Master is our boss. I’m Lai Jiayu. I was punished and sent here overnight for messing up."

Ye Dong sneered, "Your boss is ruthless."

The old ghost jeered, "You look sneaky, probably up to no good."

Lai Jiayu shot him a look, "I was punished for failing to protect my lady. Who knew I’d run into you? Damn, that pee cost me dearly!"

Nianxue had come up, watching the five and the ghost chatting, curious but quietly listening.

She suddenly jumped out, shouting, "There’s a ghost!"

The five and the ghost were startled, Xiaobao, Dachun, and Lai Jiayu fell to the ground. Nianxue laughed heartily.

Ye Dong scolded, "Nianxue, you want to scare us to death?"

Nianxue laughed, "You still have time to chat? Are we going back or not?"

The old ghost grumbled, "Where did this noisy girl come from? No respect for elders at all."

Nianxue put her hands on her hips, "Hey, old man, what are you doing wandering around at midnight? Want to taste my talisman?"

The old ghost stepped back, waving his hands, "Let’s talk, no need to fight!"

Nianxue laughed, "Go on, keep to yourself, don’t scare people. Wait quietly for reincarnation and come back as a human soon."

The old ghost chuckled awkwardly, "Got it!" He turned to Jiayu, warning, "Kid, remember your promise tonight. If not, I’ll come after you!"

Lai Jiayu smiled wryly, "Alright, old man. I’ll copy the words on your tombstone and get you a new one tomorrow. Make do tonight and sleep."

The old ghost gave him a look of disdain and left.

Lai Jiayu grinned, "Gentlemen, miss, as they say, you rely on friends when you go out. Be kind and give me a ride out of the city. I’ll support your paper shop tomorrow!"

Nianxue glanced at him, "You said it, we don’t force anyone. If you don’t come to our shop tomorrow, the old ghost won’t find you, but the five of us will!"

Lai Jiayu nodded repeatedly, "Of course, of course, this place is too creepy. Once we’re out, everything’s negotiable!"

Nianxue handed the car keys to Liang Lingzhi, "You drive, I’ll take the passenger seat."

Just as they were about to get in, several police cars came up the mountain road. Ye Dong squinted, "Officer Li’s car?"

Officer Li rolled down his window, seeing Ye Dong and the others, puzzled, "Hey, why are you out here in the middle of the night instead of sleeping at home?"

Nianxue laughed, "I dragged them out to the wild graveyard to toughen them up."

Officer Li opened his door and got out, followed by Xiao Yang, Xiao Wang, and a well-built female officer. Ye Dong stared in surprise and shouted in disbelief, "Yayi!?"