21 Reflection (Including Premium Access Announcement)

The person at the dining table seemed not to have heard a word Lu Yu said. Lu Yu went to the side table, picked up his belongings, and headed upstairs; no one even glanced his way.

He was like a transparent person; even if he spoke, they would automatically ignore him, preferring instead to listen to the unreasonable crying of Lu Linxing.

Lu Jinlü picked up his water glass and took a sip. The moment the warm water slid down his throat, the sound of a bedroom door closing came from upstairs—quiet, cautious, and tentative.

A strange, indescribable feeling stirred within him, as if he had been punched, leaving an inexplicable ache in his chest.

According to Aunt Xiu, if she were the one cooking, Lu Yu would ask her not to put green onions or garlic in the dishes, using his own dislike for them as the excuse. Furthermore, in the past, Lu Yu would always proactively swap out any dishes containing onions or garlic from in front of him.

Lu Jinlü suddenly felt empty inside, a surge of sour bitterness rising in his heart, reaching all the way to his throat.

His thoughts turned to what the driver had said when he came to pick him up.

"Did you not know, sir? Truth be told, the Second Young Master truly respects you. Throughout the twenty-minute drive, after picking out the ingredients you avoid, he held the lunchbox in his arms the entire time to keep it warm."

Lu Jinlü had not had much of an appetite to begin with. He had come to dinner with the intention of testing Lu Yu, but the result left him feeling conflicted.

Lu Yu’s alienation toward him was far too obvious.

For years, he had taken everything Lu Yu did for granted, such as the unsolicited delivery of meals. So, when Lu Yu attempted to peel himself away from his life, it was Lu Jinlü who found himself unable to adjust.

Come to think of it, since that night, he hadn't heard Lu Yu call him "Big Brother" in earnest even once. The duration of his sulking had exceeded anything Lu Jinlü had ever known.

"Xiao Jin, is the food not to your liking? Why haven't I seen you take a bite?" Lu Chengming, noticing his eldest son hadn't touched his chopsticks, couldn't help but ask with concern.

Lu Jinlü didn't answer his father; instead, he set down his chopsticks and said to Zhuang Ningyue, "Mother, Lu Linxing is no longer a child. You cannot keep indulging him like this."

"Oh, this boy. Xingxing is only fifteen; what does he know? Lu Yu is so much older, shouldn't he be the one yielding to his younger brother?" Zhuang Ningyue knew Lu Jinlü was referring to the incident before dinner.

But what surprised her was that, previously, Lu Jinlü had never interfered in any disputes between his younger siblings.

Lu Linxing had been holding back his temper, and with Lu Jinlü criticizing him in front of everyone, he immediately dropped his chopsticks and retorted, "He didn't give it to me either, did he? How am I being indulged? And aren't you the one who likes me best? Are you going to scold me too?"

Lu Jinlü did not want to argue with his family. He stood up and rubbed the bridge of his nose, looking visibly exhausted.

"I am telling you to curb your temper. It is only because he is willing to tolerate you; what if it were someone else?" Lu Linxing was right about one thing: between Lu Yu and him, Lu Jinlü did indeed favor him more.

Lu Linxing stood up as well. "What's wrong with my temper? Do I need him to tolerate me? It wouldn't matter if he weren't my brother at all, would it?"

"Clang—" The sound of a door being softly closed came from upstairs again.

The argument downstairs had reached Lu Yu. He had opened his door, only to hear Lu Linxing’s words. No one knew what he was thinking, but the sound of his door closing was heavy and dull.

Everyone at the table froze. Zhuang Ningyue was the first to react, urging, "Alright, alright, what is there to argue about? Xingxing, stop crying. If you want it, I'll have your father ask someone to get one for you tomorrow. And Xiao Jin, you haven't even had a bite."

"We are all family, don't argue over such small things." Zhuang Ningyue played the role of the doting mother; when facing these two sons, the scales in her heart would never tip toward either side.

Lu Jinlü pushed his chair back. "You all go ahead and eat; I don't have much of an appetite."

"You child, you haven't even eaten..." Zhuang Ningyue wanted to persuade him further, but Lu Jinlü had already turned and headed upstairs.

Lu Linxing watched Lu Jinlü’s retreating back with teary eyes and asked Zhuang Ningyue cautiously, "Mom, is Big Brother angry at me..."

"You know it, too. It must have been the argument you and Lu Yu had that disturbed your brother." In her heart, Zhuang Ningyue actually felt some resentment toward Lu Yu.

Lu Linxing was his younger brother, after all; to be so unwilling to give up even a single Polaroid—how could anyone’s familial affection be so cold?

"Then what should I do? What if Big Brother doesn't like me anymore?" Everyone admires power; compared to the favor of this genius-like Big Brother, Lu Yu’s affection was worthless.

It was all Lu Yu’s fault for being so annoying.

Zhuang Ningyue stroked the top of Lu Linxing’s head and said gently, "He won't. Our Xingxing is so likable. If he doesn't like you, who would he like?"

Lu Linxing rolled his eyes. "Should I take a glass of milk to Big Brother tonight?"

"That's a good idea." A harmonious family was the best thing; seeing her youngest son willing to lower his head to maintain brotherly bonds, Zhuang Ningyue was naturally satisfied.

—

[You will slowly forget the people around you. One day you will forget everyone, but please remember: among the people you forget, except for a person named Song Jianli, everyone else is [unimportant].]

The diary did not record what kind of person his "younger brother" was, only that aside from Brother Jian, everyone else was insignificant.

Pinned to the top of his WeChat was someone named [Xingxing]. The chat history stopped half a month ago. After glancing at the other person’s social media feed, Lu Yu confirmed that he might truly be his brother.

He was only two years younger than him, and their birthdays were only a few days apart.

As he scrolled, Lu Yu thought back to what he had accidentally overheard. He didn't feel much of anything.

After all, to him, the other person was just a stranger. He wouldn't care about a stranger, so if the stranger didn't acknowledge him as a brother, it didn't really matter, right?

Besides, Lu Yu didn't want to have such an unreasonable "younger brother."

But the thought of this rude stranger being coaxed by his mother in such a gentle voice made Lu Yu feel a little sad…

Because he had never heard such a voice or tone used to coax a child in his own memories.

He sat obediently on the edge of his bed, knees pulled up, chin resting on them, picking up the Polaroid to quietly look through the photos taken at the beach during the day.

Passersby had taken many group photos for them, but unfortunately, none of them looked good. It wasn't that Song Jianli didn't look good; it was that he himself looked too ugly. Because of that scar from his childhood, many people said he was unsightly.

So, maybe Mother didn't like him because he was too ugly.

When he thought about it that way, Song Jianli was just too wonderful. He was so handsome, so gentle; he was like the sun to everyone, yet he had chosen to be friends with him.

But Brother Jian, wouldn't the sun burn a bad child who was afraid of the light? But it wasn't the sun's fault for being too dazzling and warm; it was the bad child’s fault for coveting the warmth of the light.

He had rejoiced more than once that Song Jianli was his good friend, and he had been saddened more than once that Song Jianli had become his friend.

In a family like this, he should have been like the protagonist in a book, strong and brave, but he couldn't do it. Because even if he held back his tears, the moment he saw Song Jianli, he wanted to cry.

In those photos, the sun was dimmed by his presence. Could it be that Father was right? He would eventually corrupt Song Jianli.

...

At the same time, a knock sounded at the door of the study where Lu Jinlü was working. Lu Jinlü took his hands off the keyboard and said, "Come in."

The study door opened, and the phone on his desk lit up. Lu Jinlü glanced at it and saw a message from Zhuang Ningyue:

[Xingxing has come to see you, so don't be angry with him. You are both my precious sons, and it makes Mother sad when you two have conflicts.]

Lu Jinlü extinguished the phone screen.

It was indeed Lu Linxing who walked in, carrying a glass of warm milk.

"Brother, dear brother, please don't be angry anymore~" Lu Linxing’s innocent, wide eyes had helped him many times. Everyone who was angry would choose to forgive him upon seeing those eyes; he knew how to use his own external advantages.

Moreover, Lu Jinlü wasn't actually angry with him. Hearing Lu Linxing soften his voice to speak to him, he had no reason to keep a straight face.

His tight lips curved slightly. "Alright, I was at fault too, but don't treat your Second Brother that way next time."

Lu Linxing pursed his lips. "Brother, if it’s just the two of us, let's not talk about him."

He had no intention of forgiving Lu Yu—unless Lu Yu apologized to him!! No, wait, even if he apologized, he wouldn't forgive him!!

"Alright, go play with Lu Xiangyi, and try not to be too noisy." Lu Jinlü reached out to take the milk from Lu Linxing’s hand, his tone softening further.

"Okay, Brother. Don't work too hard." Lu Linxing felt a surge of triumph inside. See? Big Brother still favored him the most.

After Lu Linxing left the study and closed the door, Lu Jinlü placed the milk on the desk. His stomach, which was aching faintly, reminded him that if he hadn't had dinner, what should have been delivered at this hour was not milk.

It should have been the hot meal Lu Yu would have prepared. He really wasn't used to this.

He hadn't heard the words "Big Brother" from Lu Yu’s mouth for many days. Realizing that Lu Yu might be distancing himself, Lu Jinlü had wisely taken measures, and so, being the clever person he was, he had gotten his result.

But this result left him with a sour feeling in his heart.

His memory returned to that night. Was Lu Yu angry because of that incident?

Perhaps Lu Yu had wanted to say something important, as he had later seen him take those papers to find Zhuang Ningyue, but for some reason, that too had been fruitless.

If that had been resolved, Lu Yu probably wouldn't be distancing himself like this over the past few days.

Picking out the onions and garlic bit by bit was the familial affection he hadn't voiced; lying to Aunt Xiu about his own dislike for them was to preserve Lu Yu’s self-esteem; the lunchbox he had personally prepared to ensure he ate on time was Lu Yu’s respect for his elder brother.

He never spoke of it, yet it had almost become an eternal secret.

Lu Jinlü was grateful he had found out before it was too late, that things hadn't reached the point of no return.

But the truth was, it was already beyond saving. In Lu Yu’s current memory, he had long forgotten the things he had done to express his respect for the brother he adored.

A knock sounded at the door at the end of the hallway. Lu Yu opened it with a look of confusion, facing the "brother" he had been avoiding for days—the first "stranger" in the house.

Lu Jinlü noticed that only a desk lamp was left on in the room, with five or six test papers spread out on the desk, even though it was already ten-thirty at night.

Outside the window, thunder rumbled, lightning tore through the sky, and the clouds were shredded to pieces. It would not be an exaggeration to say the rain was slamming against the window as if to shatter it.

"..." Lu Yu remained silent for a while. Only after confirming that the other person was waiting for him to speak did he dryly squeeze out one word: "Brother..."

Lu Jinlü’s brow twitched. Another reluctant "Brother." Why wouldn't he obediently call him "Big Brother" anymore?

"Lu Yu, I want to talk to you about something." He said, moving as if to enter Lu Yu’s room.

But Lu Yu had no intention of letting him in. He kept the door open only a crack, and Lu Jinlü had no reason to force his way in.

Lu Yu was resisting him. Clever as he was, he realized this immediately.

Lu Yu had never had the habit of letting strangers into his room. Even his willingness to speak to Lu Jinlü earlier was only because, before he had forgotten Lu Jinlü, his identity was that of his "Big Brother"—but that was all.

Lu Yu was still so obedient. He wasn't tall and had to look up to meet Lu Jinlü’s eyes. As he pushed his bangs aside, the indifference and detachment in those eyes made Lu Jinlü feel stifled and like a stranger.

It was as if, without that touch of timidity and compliance, it wouldn't be Lu Yu anymore.

"What do you want to say, Brother?" Lu Yu asked.